Apparently, Abby's biological father defriended me on Facebook.
He also defriended her. Which may just be the first time I've ever seen someone do that to their own child without explanation.
I know she's not bothered about it. She never talked to him and was a little uncomfortable even having him on there. She's only seen him a few times throughout her life, only one of which she can actually remember. The only reason she accepted his request at all was due to my encouragement.
And that's the thing... there's a hell of a lot of bad history between me and that guy. It wasn't exactly great to begin with, but the fact that I got a court order for child support when Abby was a toddler has been the main bone of contention for over a decade now.
He's rarely paid and even then, typically when the courts got on his ass and he was afraid of going to jail.
Whenever that's happened, every couple of years or so, whatever payment we've received has been accompanied by extremely nasty communication from him. That's it... just him being verbally abusive to me out of nowhere. Never asked about Abby at all and certainly made absolutely no attempt to have a relationship with her prior to this year. Nothing... no phone calls, no Christmas cards, no birthday wishes. Nothing.
Small wonder that she has absolutely no emotional connection to him.
Even so, when he contacted me via Facebook earlier this year and asked if he could add her, I tried to be as accommodating as possible. First of all, I told him it wasn't even my decision... it was up to her. Regardless of how I've felt about him over the years, I would have never dissuaded any sincere attempt for him to be involved in her life. To me, that was an entirely separate issue. I wouldn't have refused him contact when she was younger if he had ever tried and now that she's old enough, I was perfectly willing to accept whatever relationship she wanted to have with him on her own, if any.
He added us both on Facebook. I didn't fully trust him, of course. How could I? Doing so has bitten me on the ass every single time since the moment I met him, truth be told. But I knew that if Abby ever did want to build a relationship with him, there was a lot I could do to smooth the way by trying to improve things between us.
And I did try. I talked things out with him. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I showed him nothing but kindness, giving him encouragement whenever I could. If he was sincere, I was fully willing to put the past behind us and let go of any lingering grudges. I made every effort I could in that direction.
... then I noticed recently that he started posting statuses about the courts coming after him for child support again. That he fully expects to be heading to jail sometime over the next couple of weeks. And in conjunction, Abby and I are summarily removed from his friends list with no explanation.
I just find that really sad. Despite all the best intentions, he'll never be able to let go of his resentment towards me OR Abby because of the child support issue.
To be honest, sometimes I wish I had never pursued child support. Not because it was wrong to do so, because it wasn't. I still feel and will always feel that I was well within my rights to expect financial assistance on Abby's behalf. And I would have never even gone through the courts at all if I didn't feel forced to do so.
I regret it only because it has had such an unpleasant umbrella effect. Yes, it's always been his responsibility. He made the choice not to work. He made the choice not to make more of an effort to pay. The extent that he does and does not provide for his children is all on him. But be that as it may, the choices he has made based on my initial choice have often been to the detriment of other people and relationships in his life.
As much as I know that he brought that on himself, I just hate that it has had to be that way... and always will be to some extent.
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