WAITING FOR SUPERMAN (and Noah, too, actually)

I have never, ever, ever, ever, ever in my life seen flooding like this. My back yard is a lake. The roads are full of standing water. And we're a good block or so from the water. I can't imagine what it's like down there. And it's raining so hard, I can't see the water from here. I can't even see the house next door! It was so bad about 4:00 this morning that Chris and I got up and online to see what the heck was going on. It sounded like a tornado. The kids did go to school (which I cannot believe) although on a two hour delay. I can't believe the bus driver drove in this monsoon. I'm starting to wonder if there's a Noah around who simply ignored the missive, decided to keep on keeping on instead of building that boat. Which is his business, of course, but he could have given the rest of us a little warning, right? And of course, of ALL DAYS, my son forgot something at home that I absolutely HAVE to take out to school. But I can't complain with all the teachers and busdrivers who have already driven in it this morning. God bless the busdrivers. So anyway, that was the weather report from Edenton, NC. Back to you, Al.

When it's rainy like this, I like to snuggle up with a good book like THE PERFECT STORM. Open right to the middle and read a few chapters in the middle of a storm like this one, and you've got some good reading. But stop before it gets sad.

SO...I wanted to talk about Waiting for Superman. The movie isn't even in wide release, but it has already created such a buzz. Even if people never see it, they can't help but get caught up in the nationwide discussion about our public schools in America. It's such a great and necessary debate. We all need to be reminded that the future of our country rides on the education of our young people. And even if parents choose to educate their children in other arenas, we all have an interest in the public schools. As a public school teacher for many years and a parent of public school students (I have two in public and two in an independent school), I know that the key is parent involvement. OR at least that's how the system is set up right now. But we KNOW that a huge number of parents are NOT involved, so those kids are falling through the cracks. We can't just shrug our shoulders. But we also can't expect our schools to handle what is truly a social problem. The thing about this movie that I already love is the dialogue. Raising awareness always helps to educate, encourage, and shed light on a situation--THAT is the first step toward good solutions.

So what IS the biggest problem in public schools today? Irresponsible parents sending kids to school who aren't prepared to learn? Poverty? Drugs? Violence? Class size? Expectations? My vote is for the latter. I think we have greatly relaxed our expectations of students over the past twenty years. Because of all the other problems, we make excuses in our heads for why these kids can't learn, but the reality is most kids can do a heck of a lot more than they are doing. The New York Times website had a question online for students to answer. The question was about book censorship, do you think books should be censored? I was astounded at the number of times the answer was simply: I don't care. I don't read anyway. or I hate reading. or I just use CliffNotes or the internet or some other way to basically cheat when they should have read the book. It made me kind of sick. Because education is not just about school, it's about finding solutions for problems and improving yourself throughout your entire life. So if kids can't buy into the value of reading WHILE THEY'RE IN SCHOOL, then we're doing something very wrong.

Has anyone out there seen WAITING FOR SUPERMAN? It's only run in a few cities so far...but I plan to find it as soon as it's close. In the meantime, I'll keep rooting for our public schools, supporting our public school teachers and leaders, but praying for a revolution. For the kids. Because they sorely need one. We can't afford to have a disposable generation.

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Adora's Journal - End of a very brief era...

Apparently, Abby's biological father defriended me on Facebook.

He also defriended her. Which may just be the first time I've ever seen someone do that to their own child without explanation.

I know she's not bothered about it. She never talked to him and was a little uncomfortable even having him on there. She's only seen him a few times throughout her life, only one of which she can actually remember. The only reason she accepted his request at all was due to my encouragement.

And that's the thing... there's a hell of a lot of bad history between me and that guy. It wasn't exactly great to begin with, but the fact that I got a court order for child support when Abby was a toddler has been the main bone of contention for over a decade now.

He's rarely paid and even then, typically when the courts got on his ass and he was afraid of going to jail.

Whenever that's happened, every couple of years or so, whatever payment we've received has been accompanied by extremely nasty communication from him. That's it... just him being verbally abusive to me out of nowhere. Never asked about Abby at all and certainly made absolutely no attempt to have a relationship with her prior to this year. Nothing... no phone calls, no Christmas cards, no birthday wishes. Nothing. 

Small wonder that she has absolutely no emotional connection to him.

Even so, when he contacted me via Facebook earlier this year and asked if he could add her, I tried to be as accommodating as possible. First of all, I told him it wasn't even my decision... it was up to her. Regardless of how I've felt about him over the years, I would have never dissuaded any sincere attempt for him to be involved in her life. To me, that was an entirely separate issue. I wouldn't have refused him contact when she was younger if he had ever tried and now that she's old enough, I was perfectly willing to accept whatever relationship she wanted to have with him on her own, if any.

He added us both on Facebook. I didn't fully trust him, of course. How could I? Doing so has bitten me on the ass every single time since the moment I met him, truth be told. But I knew that if Abby ever did want to build a relationship with him, there was a lot I could do to smooth the way by trying to improve things between us.

And I did try. I talked things out with him. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. I showed him nothing but kindness, giving him encouragement whenever I could. If he was sincere, I was fully willing to put the past behind us and let go of any lingering grudges. I made every effort I could in that direction.

... then I noticed recently that he started posting statuses about the courts coming after him for child support again. That he fully expects to be heading to jail sometime over the next couple of weeks. And in conjunction, Abby and I are summarily removed from his friends list with no explanation.

I just find that really sad. Despite all the best intentions, he'll never be able to let go of his resentment towards me OR Abby because of the child support issue.

To be honest, sometimes I wish I had never pursued child support. Not because it was wrong to do so, because it wasn't. I still feel and will always feel that I was well within my rights to expect financial assistance on Abby's behalf. And I would have never even gone through the courts at all if I didn't feel forced to do so.

I regret it only because it has had such an unpleasant umbrella effect. Yes, it's always been his responsibility. He made the choice not to work. He made the choice not to make more of an effort to pay. The extent that he does and does not provide for his children is all on him. But be that as it may, the choices he has made based on my initial choice have often been to the detriment of other people and relationships in his life. 

As much as I know that he brought that on himself, I just hate that it has had to be that way... and always will be to some extent.

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